Excusez-Moi Pour Ma Folie Provisoire

Hello.

Mierda. That's what I feel like right now. I would Babelfish Mierda, so I can list it in a gazzillion different languages here, but I don't think they have the word shit in their translation database. It's really a shame don't you think?

So anyways, as it was bound to happen, but I was pretty much in denial that it would...

I finally met her.

Who you may wonder? Because you're all nosey like.

The fiancee. Not just any fiancee. But the ex-husband's fiancee.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Really. It shouldn't matter right? After all...you may say...you filed the divorce...You. You. You.

Each morning it's the same
I stand across the counter
the promise of wakefulness fill my senses
deliver me from my fogginess of mind
oh great cup of Joe.
As Henri takes my $2
and across the counter she pushes back a nickel
it's then it hits me
I leave the nickel on the counter,
my discarded emotion affection.
"I don't need you", I say

Ahhh yes the silence on my end. Sorry folks. I've been so absorbed with the Katrina coverage I really haven't been much fun to be around.

Tuesday night...

Peart: What do you want to watch?
Me: I'm watching this (I point to tv coverage of Katrina's devastation).
Peart: Maybe you should watch something else. You know. Things like this make you depressed.
Me: I was already depressed before Katrina.

Drama.

I've always said a little drama never hurt anyone. Some of us deal with drama better than others. Some of us don't deal with the drama at all and recluse themselves into the no-drama-here zone.

A little bit of drama keeps things interesting.

But some drama I'd rather not see happen.

Like the one last night. The one where my 16 year-old nephew tried to kill himself by jumping out of a window.

Okay! Okay! I give!

In response to a few of your concerned emails and IM's to me...this one is my favorite...

What's the deal chick?!? Are you suddenly dead or what???

Hah! Def not dead. The or what part of it though...heh.

I know I've been a bit quiet on the posting front. But truth be told, ever since I discovered my boss and my bigger boss knows about my blog, it's been a bit difficult for me to just let loose the normal blabberings that I had been so accustomed to letting loose, prior to the discovery. I mean cause really, when you think about, I've posted some pretty personal stuff here. Stuff my own family, let alone co-workers aren't even aware of. So yeah, it's akin to walking around in your underwear thinking no one is looking, only to find out everyone is looking! And then there's this slight panic that hits as one wonders which underwear one happens to be wearing and if it's too risque.

So right before my trip to NYC in April, part of a filling that I've had since I was 13 fell out.  It was just such a small filling and since I've always taken good care of my chompers I thought it could wait until I got back from my trip.

So that brings us to the middle of June. I waited 2 1/2 months to get this taken care of! Not because I couldn't get in to see a dentist, but because I've been so busy at work, I hardly had time to take a peepee break let alone go to the dentist.

Co-workers are goofy. Yes goofy with a capital G. Ofcourse my co-workers most likely think I'm goofy, although I give them no reason to. Cause I? Am the epitome of the perfect worker. *ahem*

So last week I was sick. Actually just that Tuesday morning really.  I was well enough to work by Tuesday night, and I did, and then by Wednesday it was back to business as usual. But since I had been out sick, everyone in the office treated me like I had Leoparsy or something.

So. I’ve been going through this thing every year since embarking on the big divide with the now Mr. x-Wabbit. The dilemma of all dilemmas…what to get my brother for his birthday. The very brother who smashed my heart into a gazillion pieces when he took Mr. x-Wabbit's side over mine. Was hurtful after all the afternoons we spent as wee ones watching The Carol Burnett show together and he’d be Tim to my Carol. We were funny, funny, funny…re-enacting the skits for our parents after dinner. Le memories…

Okay so I'm here at work today, Booooo! but done doing what I was doing so whilst I wait for my hot lunch dates, it's time for an update.

Last night I went to my work Holiday Party. The corporate one where everyone gets all pimped and skanked out in the their best holiday look and parades around the room like intoxicated minxes and wolves. Fun. Actually, in all seriousness, it was nice. I can't believe how much my company does for it's employees. How about bends over backwards while doing the spilts and balancing spinning plates at the ends of long wooden poles balanced precariously on their foreheads? Yeah. I think that sums it up. This was my only problem.

Today, I'm better than yesterday. I have lots of practice in healing my heart, so with that...when things are beyond one's control, one can only move on. Right?

Right.

Work has been soooo busy this morning! Two meetings by 10:30 a.m. I'm taking a breather. And...breathing.

So, lastnight I spent more time being reflective. I really need to have my reflective buttons turned off as they always seem to get me into trouble. Not with other people, but just with myself.

Why is this song replaying itself over and over in my head??

"I gave my love a chicken, that has no bone..."

And it wouldn't even be so bad if I had the rest of the song to accompany that line. But no.

Help. Me.

So tonight it's been pretty much the wee one and I. He wanted to go to eat dinner at my most favorite restaraunt in the world. Chili's. The reason why I love it there? Oh must be the 45 minute wait for a table. Then for some reason we always get stuck at a table someone is training on. Tonight, the waitress decided to sit in my lap. Actually she was trying to sit down in our booth next to me, but she didn't give me the eye contact thing prior to moving her booty into the booth to let me know she was actually gonna sit down with us while taking our order and could I please schoochie-schoochie. So. She ended up in my lap.

Is the medication talking tonight?

Hmmm...I dunno...

For some reason I'm thinking it maybe a good idea for me to become a nun.

Yeah.

Someday.

Today I'm admitting to myself, that it's hard for me to really trust anyone ever again. But I remember what it was like to be able to trust, and even though I'd been through a lot with my ex, I don't think I'm jaded. If anything, I'm just more aware that people grow out of who they were. Needs change. People get bored of the same old thing and forget how to appreciate what they have. Forget what's important. I'm not saying that it's that way for everyone. Some people are better at handling the struggles of their marriages and making it work. Or if not making it work, just become masters at hiding the infidelities within their hearts.

You now how they say bad things happen in 3's? Well here are mine...

1. It's supposed to be a good day. I start off with ice cream and I'm getting off early to pick up my kidlet who's been with his dad the past 3 days. I get out to my car, the alarm won't disengage. 45 minutes in the parking lot trying to deactivate the alarm from every possible angle, plus opening and checking the stupid batteries in my keychain alarm disengager thing was fruitless.

Whoa! Just another busy day here in paradise. So busy that although I did take a lunch, I did not eat lunch since I rushed home to check open job listings.

Oh and did I tell you I’ve decided to look for a new job? Yes a new one. I want one. As soon as possible even. It’s just time folks. See the current job is gonna make an old lady out of me and make me crazy, and I’m not ready to be an old crazy lady…so…