Help! I Have Hearts Covering My Eyes!

adrift
the tide pulling
the swell over the moonlit water
calms as i approach the shore
and there an image
a silhouette against the silver moon
but still i know
the eyes that will look into mine
before my foot sinks into the liquid sand
your arms surround me
with promises
of something more than wonderful
promises of being all
two existences blend easily into one

***
she had no idea
the tide
the swell
the depth
but upon tasting
she rushes in
no hesitation
she trusts
her heart completely open
earth, sky, sun, moon
stars, galaxies, universes collide
obliterated into their tiniest existence
reverberating in every core
of the things that makes her who she is
you're so beautiful
the song plays
she blushes
she closes her eyes

Each morning it's the same
I stand across the counter
the promise of wakefulness fill my senses
deliver me from my fogginess of mind
oh great cup of Joe.
As Henri takes my $2
and across the counter she pushes back a nickel
it's then it hits me
I leave the nickel on the counter,
my discarded emotion affection.
"I don't need you", I say

Yes.

It's spring.

A few ladies in the office were running a pool this morning. The pool being, what time "I" would receive a flower delivery today. At stake was a box of See's candy.

I'm sorry to announce, no one won the candy because I didn't receive any flowers!

Oh well. I guess they'll all just have to share the box of See's and I'm gonna have to buy my own damn flowers.

I have pretty much given up the hopes for an overly romantic Valentine's Day. Which is kinda fine and it's kinda not. Because who is picking up the slack for the overly romantic missing in my life? The WeeOne!

Hello lovely people.

September is almost over. Just a few more days and it'll all be over!

Personally, I think the month just has a thing against me. It conspires against me and basically brings all the cosmic jokes that had been swirling around me during the year to fruit. And once ripe for the picking, the fruit, it's not very good.

But like I said. It's almost over. And that's totally good enough for me. :)

*sighness*

Don't mind me. I'm just in mourning. It's silly and I hate myself for taking this so hard. But I was absolutely enamoured in a way that I have never been before over an object. And sure it's last year's model. But now, as I've let it become the one that got away, I've been looking for it online allnight with no luck at all. The closest I can find is this, and while similar, it is just not the same and never will be.

Earlier in the year my sister and I abducted all our parents' photo albums with the intention of scanning them for safe keeping. You know, just in case. Well did I mention that was earlier in the year?

Ahem.

So lastnight my mom calls me and asks for the photo albums back. I tell her no problem I'll drop them off when I get off work today, but all the while in my mind I'm thinking "CRUD! WE HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED SCANNING EVEN ONE PICTURE YET!!! WE ARE PATHETIC PROCRASTINATORSSS!!!"

Clicking on the thumbnail brings up a bigger pic...

*One of you is so fantastically talented that when I get an IM from you I get all finger-tied and all my charm and wit just goes out the window.  It doesn't help that you're fantastically cute too.

*One of you...I would give both my newly lasered eyeballs just to write like you! Your writing often leaves me in awe and speechless, so my comments to your wonderful and moving entries are often..."Wow!" It doesn't help that you're fantastically cute too.

So lovely people...I'm a gonna do it!!!

I was planning on doing it like 8 years ago, but after paying for the X-Mr.Groovebunny to have his done, and him then using his new ones to make with the googley eyes with very young work interns, it kinda put me off the idea of getting mine done.

But ya know. 8 years have past. I am sooooo over it already!

So L-Day will happen on the 30th. Until then I will treasure these few moments left of moi waking in the middle of the night and walking into walls or falling down the stairs because I can't see a freaking thing as I am so blind as a bat, but without the sonar-echo locating abilities. I have to admit the thought of having a laser, laser into my cornea to create the famous flap that flips so the eye surgeon can do his magic, had me a bit concerned. Okay I lie. It had me scared, because come on! It's my eyeball we're talking about here!!!  But when I weighed in the fact that this won't be the first surgery I've had, and that I've had my uterus cut open (and I saw the whole thing in the shiny part of the overhead light) to remove the little angel who Macarena'd me in the ribs and gave me 9 months of heartburn, a little laser cornea flapping doesn't seem like such a big deal afterall.

Dear New York City,

I spent my last full day having a late breakfast at my favorite window over looking one of my now favorite corners. I couldn't eat much and the very same coffee that I had enjoyed sipping the previous mornings tasted bitter. My tummy felt heavy as if I just swallowed a plate full of stones and my heart felt heavy as well. I was already sad that I would be leaving you. I thought that we didn't really have enough time to get to know each other, but in those brief fleeting moments, I had fallen in love with you, New York City. But had you fallen in love with me? If you had you could never say it to me. So how would I know?

Dear New York City,

There are times when one falls in love, but thinks to oneself upon the falling “Oh no. This one will end tragically.” Just that gut feeling ya know? The one where you know you are less of a person having fallen, doing things that are out of your nature because you can’t help it.

It was while walking in a rain that fell upon me during a Thursday night. Strangely I wasn’t cold. I was more concerned with my non-scarf tying skills than my non-crossing the street against a “Don’t Walk” sign skills. The bottom of my scarf grazed the wet pavement. At that moment, I imagine I must have looked like a 3-legged alien trying to dart out in front of the taxi, when a gentle hand pulled me back. And because I’m not that smart, I tried a second time to cross in front of cab. The cabbie honked at me as the same hand had to pull me back. How many people know for sure when they’ve fallen hard? Maybe it was because I was a bit intoxicated from the few hours before, the rain ruining my hair and make-up, blinding my eyes and soaking my jean jacket and pants. I was very much aware of everything when I shouldn’t have been. But that’s when I knew. It just felt right and natural. I fell in love.

Dear New York City,

For the first time since forever I slept through a complete 8 hours. Anyone with child(ren) will tell you sleeping a full 8 hours without being sick, that’s a luxury of pre-child(ren) days.

I look out my hotel window…

And suddenly I’m missing the sight of the open field filled with spring time flowers over my back fence.

I'm back. Happily back but not happily at the same time. I left a piece of my heart in New York City. And being lucky enough to get to spend the past few days there, I now know that had I not had a little guy and determination that my little guy have a close and loving relationship with his daddy, New York City could have been a place I could have escaped after my divorce. Before leaving for my trip, friends and co-workers told me to be careful because NYC was a dangerous and scary place. And I believed them only because I had nothing to balance their opinions with the exception of the stereo-types I've seen on t.v. The west coast is the best coast. I admit it. I've said that in my lifetime. But that's when I had no idea. It's all a matter of perspective and what you know and allow your heart and soul to experience. And now I know I could so totally roll with NYC.