Food. Awkward. Lots of Italics and a Link to People Who Live Underground

Moi apologies Dear Internet for my absence these past few days. Out of town guests I did have and this is why I was away. And now that they're gone, much catching up to do I have.

Something kooky I've noticed. Keeping an on-line journal was a nice way for me to beat a little work induced stress. What I've noticed since I've quit updating from work...my body is showing signs of me internalizing my work induced stress.

Not.

Good.

And I really miss being able to take mini-breaks here and there and visit ya'll during the day like a good blog reading pal-ole-buddy. Especially when all around me co-workers are taking several mini-breaks to chit-chat about this-that and the other thing that has absolutely nada-smada to do about work.

Anyways, moving on...

I think before I ever accept another dinner invitation anywhere, I'm going to screen who I eat with. I'm just saying.

So the dinner screening process would work like this. I ask a series of questions and the dinner candidate will answer "yes" or "no"...it's tres simple.

1. Are you a vegatarian? Seriously, I am down with my vegatarian bothers and sisters, but I would just like a little warning before making reservations at a steak house.

2. If you are a vegatarian, are you the type of vegatarian who makes faces while red meat eaters are trying to enjoy their red meat meal? Why ya got to be a playa hater and stuff???

3. Do you pick at your food? When I say pick I mean, push little bits of food around your plate so you can get a good look at it from all angles before deciding to fork it and put it in your mouth. Dude...that's just plain annoying after watching an hour of that.

4. Do you scream or cry when someone puts a piece of baked chicken on your plate? Seriously, you think you have something to cry about??? That chicken gave it's life to be on your plate.

5. Do you get angry at the host for not knowing you are a vegatarian and ask then if they've been living under a rock? Ya know...asking someone if they've been living under a rock is not only insulting to the person you're asking, but also to people who actually do live under a rock. Like all those mates and mate-ettes in Aussie who dig homes underground therefore, actually live under rocks.

6. Will you have dessert after your meal or will you also make faces at this very important bonding opportunity? Anyone who refuses to bond with me over chocolate covered anything might as well spit in my ice-tea.

Any "yes" answers to numbers 2 - 6 would automatically disclude one from the includable list of potential dinner companions. No exceptions at all.

Unless...you offer we just bail on dinner and down some Mojitos. Cause Lordie knows I'm always totally down for a Mojito!

Moving on again...

So the best line of the night, as spoken by the WeeOne..."No offense, but this is really an awkward moment."

!!!!

Oh how I LOVE the honesty of kids. Except when the truth coming out of their honest little mouths is that Mommy should pass on the Krispy Creme donuts because she's starting to carry some plump in her rump. Ouch! In this case however, I almost jumped out of my seat and gave the little man a high-five. "Heeeee yeah! That's what I'm talking about little man! The truth shall set us free! Let's blow this joint!"

I know. It's scary I'm even a mom.

But it definitely was a night filled with awkward moments. And this is coming from someone whose had the experience of what should have been the ultimate in awkward moments...realizing the front of her blouse was completely soaked with breast milk during a technical meeting with other co-workers who all happened to be MALE!!!

Ahem. I really, really hope that particular awkward moment doesn't make into my roast when I finally hit the big 2-0 with work. Cause, having that story re-told infront of all my co-workers...well...that would really be the ultimate-est in awkward moments.

Ever.

Well maybe not for you it wouldn't be...but for me...the ultimate-est ever.