Something inside me is breaking. I'm not sure what it is. Just a huge feeling of nothingness that shouldn't be there.
Perhaps it's the fact that I've not been doing anything to feed my soul since I've gotten back into town. There's an unfinished painting on the easel downstairs. I mean to finish it but end up walking by it each time. Maybe this is a good time to just start on a blank canvas and see what happens.
Everyday's a new day. That's what I've been telling myself a lot lately. Things aren't so great at work right now. Not that my job is in trouble or anything like that, but there are many of us feeling like it's not the same company we all loved before. The change started a year ago and now it's finally at a point where a lot of our loyality is being challenged. You can only believe in a place worthy of believing in. And when that's gone, perhaps then it's time to move on.
I told my boss the other day that if she quits she needs to give me a major heads up so I can look for another job. Because honestly, she's the only reason why I've stuck around as long as I have. Yeah I'll lose my awesome interest rate my mortgage, but worse case scenario...I sell my house and move someplace else and start over again. If there's anything I've learned in the past 3 years...starting over again...it's not as scary and horrible as most people would have you think.
With the exception of my son, there are a lot of things I can use a do-over on. But there are no do-overs. Not in adulthood. So you thank whatever higher beings you believe in for helping you get through whatever lowly low you've been through, for giving you the strength to rewire all the wiring that had become undone, for helping you put your shame and utter loathing of yourself to rest and for helping you open your eyes and appreciate the new, the stable, the people that are going to be a huge part of your heart and soul forever.
Thank you.
Thanks so much for all your c
Thanks so much for all your comments here. You are all truly sweet and wonderful people. :) I'm doing much better today. It was the full moon and it's monthly affects on my body, and missing NYC, and certain people and not feeding my soul like I should have been. You all hit it right on and I really appreciate your suggestions, thoughts and very kind words. *hugs*