The Wallflower Who Saved The World

Okay so I'm here at work today, Booooo! but done doing what I was doing so whilst I wait for my hot lunch dates, it's time for an update.

Last night I went to my work Holiday Party. The corporate one where everyone gets all pimped and skanked out in the their best holiday look and parades around the room like intoxicated minxes and wolves. Fun. Actually, in all seriousness, it was nice. I can't believe how much my company does for it's employees. How about bends over backwards while doing the spilts and balancing spinning plates at the ends of long wooden poles balanced precariously on their foreheads? Yeah. I think that sums it up. This was my only problem.

Well...when I say it is my problem that's exactly what I mean. My problem. I seriously need to rethink Holiday Party date-age as spending 2 hours getting ready for an evening of dinner and then home by 10 p.m...ummm...seriously...that is not worth spending 2 hours getting ready for. All I can say is someone better learn how to dance or someone is not going to be invited to any more parties with me.

So I came home a bit bummed cause of that. I was grumpy and doing the pouty mouthed thing along with the silence thing. I was seriously bummed that I did not get one freaking dance out of all my looking fabulousness. Not even a slow dance, which basically all you have to do is stand there and kinda move from side to side. Plus it's not fun to even make fun of the guys out on the dance floor whose moves look like an accident waiting to happen, when you are basically the Holiday Party Wallflower. Le Sigh. Even the resident koo-koo who comes to each Holiday Party dressed like a Christmas tree...man I would have danced with that nutcase in all his tinsel and flashing light glory if he would have asked me to. But alas, his height challenged wife was with him lastnight. And she was dressed as an elf so I guess breaking up the duo would have made them both look singulary silly instead of dually.

So I went to bed feeling sorry for myself due to my danceless evening. The energy in which I was comtemplating my dancelessness must have been mega because I had the most completely weird dream ever.

Insert dream sequence music here...

I was at my Holiday Party. Surprise! And I was out on the dance floor dancing with a bunch of other Holiday Party goers whose dates where too frightened by the dance floor to even go near it. I was dancing and dancing and dancing and then I realized, I was doing the Pony! Which struck me strange since I hadn't done the Pony since I was forced to in 7th grade dance class during rainy day schedule. But really, it didn't matter. I was working the freak out of the Pony and people were stopping doing their Pony moves to check out mine cause I had the Poniest moves of them all.

Go Me!

Then suddenly the music stopped and we all collapsed on the dance floor. Some boy band the came out onto the dance floor and started handing out their concert t-shirt to a select few, and that select few were told to go into the restroom and change into the t-shirt. Since I was one of the select few, I grabbed my shirt and noticed it was a pea-green color with white block lettering that read "Pork. The Other White Meat!" I went to the restroom but decided I would just give my ugly shirt away to the first person I saw and I did. Then, since I was there...I decided it was potty time and walked into a stall. But before I could close the door, I looked out to see a few girls putting on their ugly t-shirts. No sooner than they did, this super anorexic vampire looking chick shows up and spews stomach juices on these other two girls! Okay. What the heck did I eat that I'm having my own dream version of From Dusk, Til Dawn???

Upon being spewed on to, the two girls transformed into super anorexic vampire girls and then started spew practicing on one another. Then the rest of the Queen of Super Anorexic Vampires coven shows up and they're all having a spew fest. I, in the mean time have quietly closed my bathroom stall door and climbed up onto of the toilet seat hoping they will think the stall is empty. I am frightened beyond all beyond because the last thing in the world I want to be at that particular moment is anorexic. I love eating! Plus...how does one go from gleefully working the Pony one minute to having to live in fear of becoming an anorexic vampire chick the next?

As I continue hiding, the Queen starts banging in stall doors looking for new victims. Finally she comes to the stall I'm hiding in and the door bursts open! She takes a moment to look at me. And I notice that she is wearing the most fabulous Vera Wang evening gown I have ever laid my eyes on! I think for a nano-second that perhaps being a super anorexic vampire chick won't be so bad after all. I mean. The clothes are fabulous! But then as she starts to open her mouth to begin her spew, I catch the smell of the grossities that is her stomach and am instanty sickened to mine. Needless to say, I beat her to the spew. However mine, having actual food contents from my Holiday dinner just prior to doing the Pony, somehow has some kind of chemical reaction to her anorexicness and she and her coven end up disolving away until there is nothing left but her Vera Wang gown laying carelessly on the restroom floor.

So...with that dream alone. I was able to get my dance on, plus, annihilate a dreaded over taking of the world by super anorexic vampire chicks.

And yes. I feel better today. Infact, it's time for lunch!

The End.