Today, I'm better than yesterday. I have lots of practice in healing my heart, so with that...when things are beyond one's control, one can only move on. Right?
Right.
Work has been soooo busy this morning! Two meetings by 10:30 a.m. I'm taking a breather. And...breathing.
So, lastnight I spent more time being reflective. I really need to have my reflective buttons turned off as they always seem to get me into trouble. Not with other people, but just with myself.
So lately, my reflective self has come to the conclusion, I'm not very good at reading people. Taking things to mean one thing when they actually mean the complete opposite. Seeing things that I choose to see instead of what's really there. Being blind to genuine feelings towards me and most likely seeming stand-offish and not interested. And maybe this is why I'm so successful unsuccessful at the L word. Recognizing it, being graced by it and being able to live within it.
It's occurred to me that I've been doing everything I could possibly do to do stay away from really finding it. I still believe that my perfect *insert L word here* will be someone that I feel so deeply connected with I will ache to not be near him and he will ache to not be near me. I want to believe I still have the strength to hold out for something sweeter.
I can can't I? In the mean time I'll just continue to temporarily fill the cracks in my heart with temporary tangibles, pets, toy collections, art, paint on my fingertips, music and reading words that you choose to share. You just don't know how much that helps.
So, finally one day, hopefully my something sweeter will finally arrive.
I'm so horrible at the "L" wo
I'm so horrible at the "L" word, meaning, I suck at it big time. So I'm no expert. But I hope you do find the strength to hold out for something sweeter, whatever sweeter means to you. Flaming